The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Bronnie spent many years in unfulfilling jobs, something a lot of us can relate to. Eventually she found herself working in palliative care. During her time in this position she spent many hours talking to patients who were at the end of their life. Bronnie had many meaningful conversations with her patients, but it was what they shared about their regrets that completely changed her life.

While talking with her patients, Bronnie began to see common patterns from the information she was given. The life stories from each patient were very different, but common themes began to emerge about their regrets. Initially Bronnie recorded these regrets in her blog. However it gained so much popularity that she wrote a book called “The Top Five Regrets of Dying”.
 
Not all of her patients had regrets. However, the ones who did had a profound effect on Bronnie's life. Her patient’s stories began to affect her personal decisions in life, leading her to become a mum for the first time at 45, relocate back to where she grew up, and achieve her dream of becoming a musician by releasing 2 albums.
 
Bronnie’s experience with her patients isn't meant to be depressing, but instead, inspiring. Her work in palliative care must have been extremely difficult, however she gained a lot of wisdom from her patients which she used to improve her own life. The most common theme among her dying patients was the regret of not living authentically. Bronnie decided that she wouldn't have that regret at the end of her life.
Here are the top five regrets of the dying according to Bronnie’s patients:
 
1. I wish I had lived life true to myself and not how others expected me to live.
This was by far the most common regret. So many of Bronnie’s patients looked back and realised they didn’t fulfill even half of their dreams and goals, and it was due to their own choices. While Bronnie said each patient found peace at the end of their life, they wished that they could go back and cross everything off their bucket list. Don’t live for other people's dreams and expectations while yours are forgotten.
 
2. I wish I didn’t work so much.
This was a very common regret amongst Bronnie’s male patients. Men were more often the sole breadwinners in the generation Bronnie worked with, so this regret was less common among her female patients. Her male patients deeply regretted spending the majority of their lives stuck on the treadmill of work existence. They felt bad about missing out on seeing their children grow up, and missing out on building a proper connection with their partner.
 
At the end of your life you won’t care how much money you made, or how many cars you owned. You will remember the relationships, connections, and experiences you had in your life. Working to survive is something we all have to do, but becoming a workaholic means you may miss out on relationships that are most important to you.
 
3. I wish I had expressed my feelings more.
The third most common regret was that many of Bronnie’s patients wished that they had the courage to express their feelings more. Many repressed their feelings and held them back just to keep the peace with others. Some became bitter and resentful. Bottled up feelings can lead to mental and physical illness, which some of Bronnie’s patients believed they developed as a result.
 
4. I wish I had stayed in touch.
Many of Bronnie’s patients regretted losing contact with friends and family. They wished they hadn’t taken relationships for granted, and they missed their companionship. Many had become so caught up in their lives they forgot to nurture their relationships. They regretted not giving relationships the time they needed.
 
5. I wish I had let myself be happy.
Many of Bronnie’s patients didn’t realised happiness was a choice until the end of their life. They were stuck in old patterns and habits, and continued to live in their comfort zone. This overflowed into their lives and emotions. They regretted having a fear of change and pretending to be someone they're not. They longed to bring silliness and laughter back into their lives.
 
I think the main take away from Bronnie’s patients is the live authentically, or live true to yourself. Forget what the world says about having to work hard, achieve this and that, buy more and more, act a certain way because that’s what’s expected. Although there’s nothing wrong with working hard and achieving goals, but make sure it’s for something you really want.

Although achievements are important, relationships are more so. Don’t neglect the special people in your life, otherwise they won’t stick around. Express your feelings in a healthy way, and let the men in your life know that it’s ok to express their feelings. Don’t forget about the real life experiences, the laughter, silliness, your own goals and dreams, and the simple pleasures of life; because that’s what’s important.

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